Sunday, March 12, 2006

Cupcake You Kill Me

Don't get me wrong. It's not that I need need a hot pink hummer or that I am unable to make my way over the hill without the help of a driver in a town car but seriously... it wasn't alright.

The flight itself was surprisingly pleasant. With the torrent that had followed me to the airport still raging on the tarmac I had already resigned myself to a long fall from the sky but luckily, my air time was not cut short and passed quickly by way of a skynap and some pleasant conversation with two young ladies (They were sisters and the eldest, Heaven, was pre-med despite her birth name begging to be announced to take the stage between Candi and Bambi.) Though the storm had yet to follow me to my destination I was not really in the clear after landing. When I exited the elevator with the suited gentleman who was leading me to my rental and I saw it sitting amongst the 20 or so american standards in front of me, I knew there was no hope. I was right. Because I was late and had no time to switch out the vehicle for another I spent the last week driving around a periwinkle PT Cruiser. Bummer right? The valets and doormen at the hotel, the chef at my favorite restaurant, strangers at gas stations and of course all my friends found it rightfully fitting to make fun of me. It was pretty funny. Adam has pictures to prove it and hopefully he won't show them to you when you ask. When I told Jade my situation he pointed out hey "It's nice to know that everyone knows those cars are sucky."

Though I offered to drive us to our typical Wed night haunt, Smith, Adam and Ryan all thought it would be better to take Ryan's car which was parked across the street from the hotel. It definitely seemed like the best way to roll but in retrospect if we had just taken the PT we'd have avoided what was one of the most frightening moments I've ever been a part of.

The street buzzed with traffic between us and Ryan's car. It came in waves. The cars would swarm and then disappear for a few seconds before the headlights filled the strip again. Jaywalking is illegal in all of CA I believe, but the crosswalks were half a city block away and the car was right there. We waited until the last straggling cars had almost passed and the four of us started jogging. As we approached the far sidewalk a large white truck approached us. You've all been in this spot before. The car's coming and both you and the driver are trying to gage who's gonna stop. The white truck hesitated briefly but it was pretty clear to Ryan, Adam and myself that it was simply a hesitation and that the vehicle intended to continue on its course. We chose to go behind it. When I looked to my left to see that Smith had decided to run in front if it I honestly couldn't believe what I was seeing. I may as well have well been watching him dive off a high dive into an empty pool. It was totally horrifying.

The sound of the impact resounded so that even Ian and Ana who worked the door of the hotel could hear it. I saw Smith fly through the air and hit the pavement. I thought, "Oh my fucking god, my friend's dead." Now, if this had been any other friend of mine my friend would have indeed been dead but, as some of you may have the privilege of knowing, our tour manger is a superhero. Smith looked up at the driver from the ground and said incredulously "Are you gonna drive away?!" Yes. Yes he was.

After getting hit by a truck going at least 25mph, Smith got up and chased after his fleeing assailant. The man pulled over a half a block away and when Smith caught up to him he simply assured him that he was okay. They parted ways with a handshake.
A few minutes later, we were on the way to the club and though he was and is still is very sore, our beloved was fine and the night rolled on. Ryan did point out that Smith (who is happily taken and would not go on to exploit it) had just been given the perfect pick up line for the evening - "Hey baby, I just got hit by a truck." Perfect.

If only I had thrown myself into traffic this morning I may have had that perfect line to use when I needed it earlier today.

Jeffery and I had just had lunch and I had a bit of time to kill before my flight. Well, actually I didn't have that much time at all but there was a bit of shopping we wanted to do and I mean, priorities, right?

We gasped our way through the candies of Tarina Territino for a few pink moments and then I suggested heading down the street to replace my snow globe ring. It had cracked a bit and the water had evaporated so the snow just wasn't swirling like it used to and damnitt, those swirling glitters make me happy,

We walked through the store with the giant rat in the window and I was directed toward the big box containing my treasured little bobble. Just as I was making that dangerous trip from the trinkets to the new men's line I noticed a group of girls walking in. Our eyes connected and for one....beat....two...beat...three...moments..we stared. It wasn't a stare of recognition, love or disgust. More so, it was just a curious moment that she may not even recall - a small, curious, moment, that was thankfully brief for I could barely breath as one of my dreamcrush girls was standing in front of me. I must admit I felt a bit like a fourth grader who was just about to spring the "Be Mine" candy heart on his first love when I started to make a bee line for her. Luckily for me, Ms. Star was there to waylay me. "You need to NOT bother her and go try on the coats.... Now Mr!" He was right. So I left with a new wardrobe in a bag and some butterflies in my stomach. Maybe next time our meeting will be a bit more casual. I'm not about to interrupt a girl and her shopping, I mean, I do try to be a gentleman. I think I'm gonna go make some tear sheets of Keira, Adriana and Camille Belle. Maybe if I stare at pictures of them frequently enough they'll appear somewhere too...

You're Enemies Jen is quite the actress, her Ronnie won't be fucked with, Boosti can move it, Nils says "get your life together," the Wolfchild still rocks like love, the Buff Monster took over Fafi's Tink, and Nick is with MOZ.

I'm sure in her you'll find sanctuary...

DXH

Currently listening :
Beyond Flatline
By Seabound
Release date: By 20 January, 2004

1:22 AM